Step 4 of the Peaceful Pathway - Explore

If you are following my peaceful pathway then one would hope that you are feeling calmer, have set some goals and guidelines and have also gathered all of the information that you need.

The next step is to explore your options, your needs, and how those might fit into your unique circumstances.

The key to an good exploration is to also give careful consideration of your ex-spouse and trying to think like them, trying to see what they feel and need. Not only do you need to think about what you might need and what your main interests are, but if you can turn your mind and do the exact same exercise for your spouse then you will have considered more avenues and have a greater chance of coming up with a solution that also suits your ex-spouse.

This stage is not about working out what the ‘solution’ is, it is about coming up with a list of possible outcomes and suggestions that you can review and test with your ex-partner. This will equip you to enter into really comprehensive and fruitful joint discussions.

My tip is to  avoid a fixed position. Avoid approaching your ideas and ultimately your negotiations with a ‘yes or no’ attitude. The clients I see fail at negotiation are the ones who have one and only one outcome that they will agree too, a fixed position. Often this is not actually the best solution for them and they end up fighting for the wrong outcome. We need to be flexible and consider all options before you can reach an agreement.

So, open your mind and make sure you consider all aspects, what may or may not work for you, the pros and cons of each scenario, and also what you think your ex-spouse may want and need.

I also suggest you do need be open and realistic about the factors that may affect the outcome (such as contributions and needs) and ensure that on a personal or moral level you are okay with the solution. I am a strong believer that creating a family law solution is not about fighting for your ‘rights’, it is about ensuring you have the ‘right outcome’ for your family. This might not always follow the path a court would take, and that is okay.  

The reason we do this here is so that there is not any hidden animosity or surprises that might ultimately make your agreement fall over. If we lay it out on the table, talk about it and create a solution with all of the information, we have a much better chance of reaching an agreement and that agreement being finalised.

Happy exploring x