Step 2 of the Peaceful Pathway - Prepare
Preparation following separation is vital. If you are well prepared, you increase your ability to persuade the other side about what you are asking for. You can inform them and educate them of important factors that need to be considered. This gives you both the greatest opportunity to resolve your matter.
This second phase is to prepare you not just on a very practical level but also on the emotional level.
Prepare Practically
Family Counsellors
A family counsellor can be used to help you separate, talk to the kids, work on your communication, assist in co-parenting advice … the list is endless.
In addition to looking at a counsellor just for you, a family counsellor or participation in specific separation or communication courses are invaluable.
Financial Planners
Financial planners sit in the same category. They are very useful in negotiations to help work out the best scenario for couples.
If your finances are more complicated than just a house and a car then it may be worthwhile sitting down with a financial planner and getting some really good advice. In a collaborative mediation setting, I use the planner to assist in coming up with solutions that create a positive outcome for both parties using the assets they have together to ensure a secure future ahead.
Accountants
An accountant is so useful in helping you work out a property settlement. Often, in my collaborative mediation settings I work with the party’s accountant, and they help with valuing assets and working out more complicated lists of assets.
Another reason I would suggest you may get advice could be to consider any taxation consequences for selling or transferring assets. Even if you are not sure yet what you are thinking of doing, talk to your accountant so you know what you may need to consider, and have them briefed and ready to help you when you need to call them with any questions.
Brokers and Bankers
A broker or banker is someone who can help open some new doors or help you explore some options. Is it one of your goals to stay in the family home? Buy a new home? Not sure? Are you thinking that it might be an option that you sell the family home? Seek advice and look for opportunities.
Legal Advice
I have purposely left the lawyers to last. The best thing we lawyers can do initially is fill your minds with information and options and guide you in the right direction.
Research and advice are often a key element to making sure you can reach a valid, fair and equitable agreement. No need to make rash decisions right now.
Prepare Emotionally
I find that once you have considered and started accessing any outside advice you may need you will start to feel you are making progress, and you will feel calmer and more in control. Now is the time to start getting a little more emotionally prepared.
What are your needs?
The first thing we need to do is consider what it is that you need. I ask you to remove ‘wants’ at the moment, as they will tend to confuse your answers. We are just talking needs here. The things you need to survive, thrive and move forward.
You should consider your needs from a financial, relationships and practical level. It may be that you currently have short-term and long-term interests that are not necessarily the same. You can separate these into interim and long-term interests.
Here you need to consider:
Your Financial Needs
Your Families Needs; and
Your practical Needs.
What are your wants?
Finally consider your goals and desired outcomes. You can now start to consider those ‘wants’ – which are really goals – that keep popping to mind. What to you want or where do you want to be in the next six months, or how about 5 years time?
Considering what your ex-partner’s goals may be will also help you find the peaceful path, because you will be better able to understand where the other person is coming from.
Finalising your Preparation
I often find that once the right team is created and you have your own goals and needs set out, you will feel comfortable and ready to move onto the next step. The length of time that you remain in this phase, or any phase for that matter, it entirely up to you.
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